Part of my job as Cat Herder at the hospital involves compiling some statistics for my boss so she can answer to the higher ups about why it takes so bloody long to get patients on our floor. Moving patients is a big, big deal to the hospital because we have a lot of factors working against us. Since I work in Rehab, we are getting patients who have progressed beyond the more acute care units. Which frees up a much-needed bed for some poor soul waiting in the ER. The Administration pushes really, really hard to get patients onto our floor within 2 hours of notification. Which NEVER happens. For the longest time, we got the blame for it. My boss and I got tired of getting yelled at about it, so I started getting REALLY anal and started tracking the details. Not only do I document when I get notification of an admission, but I track who I give the bed information to and I document any delays that hold up the transfer to our unit. At the end of each month, I compile all my stats and merrily email them to my boss and the Gods on High who pass judgment on us.
And lo and behold, a pattern has emerged! One where we are NOT the bad bad children the Admins painted us to be. According to my data, more than half of the patients we receive are held up because the doctors discharging from the other units do not know how to write the orders to transfer the patients.
Think about that for a second.
Yes. A fucking DOCTOR has not learned how to write orders. I've been bitching about this for months now. On a nearly daily basis I have to field not one, but multiple calls for each patient because the orders have been screwed up. And according to MY bosses, I cannot allow the admission to proceed unless the orders are 100% correct. This is because we are Medicare certified and if we do not follow Medicare guidelines we lose a HUGE chunk of funding. When Medicare says jump, you fucking jump.
So, my boss had this big hoitey toitey meeting this morning and at lunchtime I asked her how my data went over. She said it was eye-opening to the Admins and Doctors from the other floors we deal with. And apparently, the consensus among the Doctors was... *cue whine* Putting the correct orders in the system is tooooooo haaarrrrrrrd! waaahhhhhhh!
Now the Gods on High want my boss (which, by extension means ME) to find a way to dumb down the process.
Think about THAT for a second.
I swear that is what is wrong with our society. Everything has to be dumbed down. We cant have newspapers above a 4th grade reading level because OMG big words are toooooo haaaaarrrrrrd! And now apparently we have to dumb down an already simple process because Doctors who have had 8+ years of higher education cannot figure out how to put an order in the system - even when I - the non-clinical, non-licensed personnel TELLS them exactly what to do.
Gives you a lot of confidence in the person who is supposed to keep you alive, dont it?